I chose in my last essay, to write about the potential negative issue that come up for many, many people, who have been brought up in a religion that teaches by fire and brimstone. This does not mean that I believe for one minute that we should not be talking about relationships, virginity and purity of heart and soul (new one?) when we are; raising our kids, teaching young people and as adults having conversations.
Christians (Catholics anyway, perhaps because of church rules…) are often afraid to talk about sexual intimacy – yet it is all over the television, movies, novels, and – right in front of our faces, be it friends (or self < not me>) with revolving bedroom doors. . . . So why not talk about it? Right. That is what I am doing.
The article I read written by Catholic clergy (assuming this) for the clergy (for a fact) did bring up strong valid points. I did begin writing this the other day and found actual quotes I had included in part of what I am writing here.
What did bother me about this article was the author stated “but suffice it to say that sex is a valuable thing that should not be squandered or used trivially; any more than one should use champagne for cleaning floors.” ~ and this, this is a problem with the Roman Catholic Church. You cannot refer to sex as a thing and somehow, for me at least something gets lost in translation when compared to champagne and moping floors.
Sex is not a “valuable thing“. Making love to your spouse is an aspect of marriage to be treasured. When one begins to speak in such a way, it shows honor to a committed marital relationship and then you have a positive example to compare to a more negative connotation of living in sin, multiple sexual partners, not valuing your body, your heart, mind and soul enough to wait to share with a future spouse.
Despite my own experiences as a young woman, married and divorced, I do hold the idea of respecting my own sexuality. The fact is that this is something I really only want to share with one special person. I don’t want to be leered at, mauled on a date or expected to “put out” because someone buys me dinner. I do believe in having an emotionally and physically healthy sexual relationship with a spouse.
There is really is much to be gained in waiting until marriage to express your love physically. Haven’t we all heard about bonding hormones and how they are released during physical intimacy? I’d rather know I love a man completely for who he is inside and out before I let hormones play tricks on me. I value me. I value another person also. As a mature woman, raped as a young girl, who is divorced with children what do I have to offer (no virginity)?
Through my Faith, Hope & Love with God, I have learned to love myself and have a close relationship with God. The Holy Spirit resides within, I can offer Purity of Heart & Soul, which in truth is oh so very much more valuable than what I lost one night so many years ago. Realizing this helped heal my heart and soul.
We need to be able to teach this in some way, along with the value of virginity to young people.
How are we raising our kids? Well, in honesty I do have my first grandchild on the way and my son is not married to the young lady. This is a really complicated situation that requires both privacy and care for both of them. He knows I did not raise him this way, he knows better. I have trust in God in their particular situation. I see how things played out, now as a mom it’s my job to do the best I can to emotionally support the new young family.
Raising our kids to be moral young people is what we need to be doing, or continue doing. Especially those of us who identify as Christians. Our body is the temple of God. Right?! We need to set good, strong examples for the young people and others in our lives. We need to be able to show others by example that having a sexually responsible, moral (marriage) relationship is a good experience, and that it offers an intimacy that cannot be found outside of marriage, dating through a revolving door. God values us, we need to value ourselves, help others value themselves (and I don’t mean only as a sexual being – build people up, help them have healthy & strong self esteem).
So, how about it? How involved are you really with raising morally -sexual aware kids? Ones that do value waiting until marriage? Are you the dad that bumps elbows and says “way to go bud?” The older sister who says “you need a push up bra and more makeup?”. Are we teaching our kids to both dress, look and act respectful of self and others?
Are we allowing them to have the opinion that their bodies are not a temple of God and they can (and should) be enjoying physical relationships years before they are mentally or emotionally (and in many cases physically) mature enough to settle down and really value what sex is really supposed to be all about, as a gift from God – making love?
Warning/Perhaps skip this paragraph... Is it time to rethink what we’re doing, remember to put our kids first (parents with revolving bedroom doors, we all know them), offering birth control upon first menstruation (I have heard of this) or an adult toy for a thirteen year old (heard of this too). The rating on the video game matters (prostitutes on Grand Theft Auto), movies, music (tons of premarital sex).
Talk to your kids. Talk to the young people in your life. Teach both boys and girls how to dress modestly (it doesn’t mean without style!). Teach them to respect their own bodies and to respect others. Teach them as the church does, sexual relationships outside of marriage is walking a slippery slop, considered sinful and why is that? Because it can cause (emotional!!!) harm to another. We should be having and continuing to have these conversations with kids, and – other singles (not only Christians). Help people have healthy, loving relationships.
Remember too . . .
Purity of heart and mind belongs IN marriage ♥